To leave your child behind is extremely difficult! For parents just like me, there’s no such thing as worst feeling but being separated from our children. Nevertheless, this agony can be overcome and resolved if only we, parents will find ways to keep in touch and get connected with our kids.
The heartbreaking moment.
For some reasons, there comes a time that a parent needs to leave his/ her child behind. This, exactly, is what happened to me. I had to leave my boy in his father’s care to deal with important matters way back to my hometown (we were all living overseas that time before I left). It was not easy. Seeing him crying and helplessly wanting to come along me was really heartbreaking.
Mental and Emotional Torture.
As I moved towards the airport entrance, I tried not to look back. It was my first time to leave my boy and be separated from him since his birth. As a result, my precious baby was crying, helplessly and endlessly.
My mind was filled with uncertainties, fears and confusions. Thus, the horrible feeling covered my whole being. I was so scared by the thoughts that I might not see him again if ever bad things happened while we’re apart, unfortunately.
Thinking that my boy would grow up not having me around, he might as well feel like I abandoned him. I was worried on how he’s going to face waking up each day without me by his side. And that to live each day without his mother to comfort and guide him would bring negative impact on all the aspects of his life.
I wanted to go back as my heart was aching. It felt like it was just a while and I already missed him and wanted to hug him, make him feel how much I love him. But, it’s too late! And in spite of feeling the urge to turn back, I had no choice but to embrace the pain and hoped that I would see my boy again, soon.
The airplane took off and I can no longer change what happened. It’s done! I’m far away from home, and from my boy. Yet, in my heart, I’m sure that he will always be there. He will always have me despite of the distance between us.
Challenges Faced by Parents When Separated from Children:
As days passed, I realize how hard it is for a parent like me to be apart from my child. There are lots of problems and challenges to deal with. For instance:
1.Scarcity of time
As we’re living in two different countries with different time zone, it’s difficult to find much time to communicate with my child. Day time in my place and night time in his, vice versa. Such a difficult situation to adapt with. Similarly, a hard condition to be adjusted to. My time has always been limited as I need to go to work during the day. On the other hand, he needs to do his homework at night and sleep early for school the next day. Needless to say, we could not talk much the way we did before.
2 Feeling of Loss
Having used to living along with family gives a remarkable impact. The longing and yearning for loved ones’ love and affection can’t be denied. It gives that feeling of sadness, being alone and emptiness. Most importantly, my life feels so incomplete without my loved ones around.
3.Failing to impart moral values.
Although we know that children can learn from school, values taught and learned from home can’t be surpassed. Parents have always said to be the most capable of teaching good values to children as well as they have the best way of making them understand, too. However, due to separation, most parents find themselves unable to do so.
Not living with the family and kids is overwhelming because of so much work to do.. Lots of things need to be done around the house and we resent over doing them, alone. We miss that family life when we used to share with them our time and help as needed. Regardless of having friends around still, feeling of longing and needing to be with partner and foremost, with children is undeniable.
5.Lack of Emotional Bonding.
From pregnancy to giving birth and raising your children, you are there. You got close to your kids, became attached with them and shared with their life as they’re growing up. However, due to separation, such bond regressed and reduced.
Distance from home deprives you the opportunity to spend time with the kids . As a result, we become unable of seeing their happiness, feel their sorrow and witness their emotions before every situation. We don’t get the chance to help with their problems and difficulties nor share with their joy and achievements. We lose emotional intimacy with our kids. The feeling of emotional detachment with one another gives discomfort and anxiety which makes one feels like there’s something missing.
Ways For Parents to Overcome these Challenges.
As they say, you smile and the whole world smiles with you. When you are happy, everything comes to be easy. Your joy will reflect on others, too. A happy parent gives off energy and pass it on to his/her children. Thus, the state of separation comes to be easy to adapt with and carry through.
Positivity is one of great factors affecting relationship between parents and children. Parents who believe in love and good fate bring positive attitude towards life and everything that happens. Thus, it’s easy for the children to trust that the act of separation is just temporary and positively acknowledge the reasons behind it.
3.Be constant in finding time to communicate. Fill in the gap. Keep emotional intimacy and attachment.
Despite of the distance, your children can hardly feel the absence of their parents. That is if you find ways to bridge that gap between you and your kids. In order to do so, you shall try the following:
Means to Make Way for Communication
- Send texts and messages, video cam with them, and phone your kids every time you find the chance. In this world of advanced technology, it’s easier for parents to communicate with children using the wonders of internet and telephone to make them feel that you always think and care for them.
- Talk to them more often. Grab every opportunity to speak with your children even during your busy times. A simple “hello” and “how are you” or ” I love you” will do, for instance. Constantly, make them feel your concern and love for them by telling them how much you thought about them or miss them. Most of all, never ever fail to tell them how much you love them.
Fill In the gap
- Share their thoughts. Listen to their problems and difficulties they experience in school and with friends. Advise and guide them accordingly in finding solutions to their problems. Help them solve these problems as much as you can.
Stay attached and connected.
- Monitor their activities. Never fail to check on their study habits, school performance and daily school tasks. Ask about their daily routine in the house, internet activities and how they spend time with friends. Being far from your kids doesn’t need to be a reason for you to lose control over them nor to fail giving them the right discipline they need.
- Find joy in being with them despite of the distance. Share their joy and success. Even if you’re distant apart, you can still praise and acknowledge their success and achievement. Likewise, make them know how proud and happy you are with everything they achieve in school or in the house. A simple “like” on face book or “remarks” on the comments will do.
4.Lastly, keep reminding your kids the values taught at home and in school. Help them understand these values and make them act accordingly.
- Be consistent on reminding your child good values you taught them. Make them understand the importance of these values and how they can benefit from them as they grow and develop as an integrated individual. Have these values be their guide on making wise choices, right decisions and good actions.
That’s it! Being away from your kids will always be that hard. Yet, finding effort and the right means to bridge the gap by following above ways, you can most likely make them feel your presence even if you’re not there…. around!